Realization. Light Bulb.

In the car on the way home tonight, I had an epiphany.

In my continuing battle between my flesh and the Spirit, in my daily war to put my sin to death, God has given me grace to give me a picture that stopped me in my thoughts.

I read a fantastic post by John Piper today (link). In it, Piper pleads with us to see that lusts of all kinds, but specifically sexual lusts, diminish the majesty of God, and threaten not only to take away a precious treasure from us, but to heap death upon us instead. I've been thinking all day about this post, and my flesh has repeatedly risen up to combat the truth that God is showing me through His servant. As it was in the car on my way home tonight.

Since I've struggled with the temptation of pornography, one effective reminder that God has given me has been that a vast majority of "stars" in this field are actually victims of unspeakable evil. This knowledge has made it very easy to avoid a lot of what is out there. But the flesh always finds a way to justify its' tempting with the "stars" that are willing to put themselves out there.

So by God's grace I'm thinking on this article, and my flesh is combating the truth, and the Spirit in me is fighting back, so there is this dialog going on. And "those that are willing" comes into my mind as an excuse that I've struggled to have an answer for. Then the answer begins to appear. Women, and men, who willingly show themselves to the world in a way God only intended to be private between a husband and wife, are in reality prostitutes. Selling their physical body for monetary gain. Though you may not have to pay any money to partake of what they are offering, they are giving you something regardless. They are peddling a lie. A corruption. A perversion. Which, when it comes down to it, is the raw form of sin.

A simple definition I use of sin involves taking something good that God has made, and twisting it to oppose His purpose and the goodness He intended. Porn fits that definition perfectly. And as Proverbs puts it, the way of the harlot goes to death (Prov 7:27). Then the answer becomes clearer. There are others who offer what seems good at first, but ultimately ends in the downfall of those who heed the call. The false prophet. The liar. Those who twist the gospel of Christ into something that glorifies man and not God.

To be explicit, this realization means that either:

Porn Stars == Victims of some of the deepest evil men can do.

Or:

Porn Stars == Benny Hinn. Joel Osteen.

Both of these should be easy for Christians to despise, as they are both clear affronts to the God we so desperately desire to serve with all our hearts. There is no desire to partake when we are grieved by what we are looking at. Now it's easier to be grieved no matter who is tempting you in this way.

Theological lessons from a 5 year old

I had a rough day with Noah today. All day long. And then I had an epiphany driving everyone home tonight. I had to write this down somewhere, might as well resurrect this business.

So basically, Noah has been on this binge of arguing/correcting/questioning everything Carrie and I say or do. Example: I'm driving home tonight, and he tells me I'm going the wrong way home. LOL.

So after a rough breakfast, rough nap time, rough drive out, rough drive back, one thing I said near the end of it all was what gave me the light bulb. I tell him to remind me tomorrow to show them a video of lightning (which I've meant to show them). His reply was "what if it's dinner time?" and then "what if I forget to remind you?". And it hit me...Noah is trying to do everything in his own power and control. When all he needs to do is worry about what I ask him to do, and leave the rest to me. He doesn't need to worry about making time or fixing the circumstances to work so that we can watch it. Just remind me, so I can take care of everything.

So I'm sure it's obvious, but he is only doing what's natural for everyone. I think I have to fix up everything and set everything up so that God can do His thing, when really all I need to do is trust Him. I find myself worrying about all the little details and getting caught up in planning and worrying if things are going to work out, when God is on His throne, and He is going to take care of it. All I have to think about is what He tells me to do. When He says "wait", that's all I need to do, not wonder for how long or why or what for. And all this convicts me to have more grace and patience for Noah, like God has for me.

Priorities and Obligations

The last 2 months have been very trying for me. I discovered a really cool way to track my habits and how I prioritize my time, basically by putting the 5 things I want to do every day (or almost every day), and then marking whether I do them or not. I started this last month...and now it's October. Filling out the chart is depressing enough (I have to leave many bubbles empty), but now that I'm looking back on how I've spent my time, it's very humbling. My very first priority (spending time with God) is nowhere near where I want it to be. My time spent on my projects is severely lacking, and I STILL don't have our budget finished. The one thing that I've been pretty good about is exercising, and I probably have my wife to thank for much of that.

I'm not a big "new year's resolution" kind of person, but at some point, I'm hoping I get fed up enough with my slacking that I actually push myself to action here. Like someone once told me "it's not about having enough time to do something, it's if that something is important enough to you that it gets done."

C is for cookie

And apparently I like them a lot. I'm sitting here reading my email, when I notice the flab around my mid section. And I'm disgusted. Seriously, I've been working out (irregularly) for like 9 months, the last 2 of which have been pretty consistent. I feel great everywhere else, but I still have a squishy middle. I really want to get one of these so I can lift heavy, but I don't have that kind of cash laying around, and if I did, my wonderful wife would remind me of the 5 other things I should be spending that money on. So it's dumbbells and creativity for now. Also, I really need to lay off the cookies, and...soda. AGGHHHH! It hurts just thinking about it. I really am full on addicted. A couple weeks ago, I decided I was going to go a day without any soda, just to see how hard it was. Needless to say, the next day, soda was consumed. I know how awful it is for me...I guess I just need to try weaning myself off it. Which I have been doing the last couple weeks. None at dinner, small ones at lunch, and only in social settings. Been working so far. Except this last weekend, that was 4 days long for me, was 4 days of constant social time. LOL, didn't work so well there!

Like butter

Scraped over too much bread. It's not really all that bad, I've just been very busy, every day something is going on, somewhere to go, and I haven't been getting much sleep. I just feel like there is so much I want to do, there just isn't enough hours in the day! Maybe if I could stay home all day and not have to give 9 hours a day to a job like someone I know (you know who you are!).

I think my next big project for the house is going to be scraping all the dead grass off the front yard. I'm thinking I'd rather have dirt than dead grass, at least until I can patch up the sprinkler system and put some seed down! Also, for the first time ever, I'm actually considering PLANTING a tree instead of ripping one out. I think the front yard could use a nice big tree that's good for shade and climbing! Uh, you know, for...the kids...to climb. Yeah.

You keep saying that word

Air conditioning. It's a beautiful thing. Monday techs came out and spent about 5 hours fixing our beloved A/C. And lo and behold, it now works. INCONCEIVABLE!!!

In other news, today, Carrie went yaarrrrd sailing - er, make that "yard sale-ing" (YAARR! Hand over yer booty!!) While she was out, they (because women folk can't do anything alone) decided to hit the Goodwill store. And she found a TV desk-stand-place-thing for me there! SCORE. I must admit, I was a little saddened to have to dismantle my cardboard "entertainment center", but it was for the best. Now I just need a TV that's bigger than 12 inches (and maybe one with stereo sound!), and I'll be all set and ready PLAY!

Jerry would play, man!

No title necessary

I promised myself I wouldn't do this

It's hot. And I am complaining about it. Seriously. We've been living without A/C for like a month now, but it's really starting to get to me (did I mention that it's the middle of July and well over 100?). I asked Carrie not to complain about it when this whole thing started (because she was...all the time), and she's been a real champ about it since then. But today, I buckled. I can't help it! I'm so stressed out today because the kids haven't been sleeping, and when the kids get bent out of shape, it get's me bent out of shape. And I feel like I need to do something about it, like rip our warranty company a new one, but I don't know what else to do besides call them and leave voice messages that don't get returned. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This too shall pass, right? At this rate, I think we have autumn to look forward to before we get relief.

Lazy sunday

Man, this past weekend has been pretty cool. I installed a temporary window AC unit downstairs on Friday, and oh man what a difference! We've actually been home for the past 2 days if that tells you anything. I will say that I cannot wait until our central unit is back up, but it's good to have the family home. Also, my dad took care of my car on Friday (thanks 1 million times dad!), so that's one less thing to worry about.

So yeah, I guess this time was just God reminding me that sometimes things don't go the way we want, but He'll bring us through them, it's not the end of the world, no matter how "bad" and "overwhelming" it seems in the moment. Just fix your eyes on Him, and He will see you through. And I have to mention that He has seen fit to see us through by using our family. Kevin and Brooke, mom and dad (on both sides!), you guys all rock, and we really did keep our sanity because of you all.

HOLD ON TIGHT

So much to talk about, man, the craziness!!! In reverse chronological order I think is the best way to run through everything. But first, I wanted to take the time to express my grief about the loss we are all suffering from. Yes, we lost a dear friend, someone who touched all our lives, and we are worse off without him. I am, of course, talking about Billy Mays. I heard a couple other people died recently, but Ed and Farrah don't hurt nearly as much. THIS CAPS LOCK IS FOR YOU, BILLY!!!!

Ok, back to reality. Let's see, my wife is with the kids at her mom and dad's house right now, because they are going to sleep in a house that has air conditioning. Yes, our house is STILL without AC. If I ever hear anyone complain about the heat, I might just beat them, because at least they got to be in a house with AC. Or a car with AC. Which I don't have at the moment either, because my car is back at work, because it won't start! Hoo RAY! Which almost made me late tonight to a very FANTASTIC meeting Carrie and I had tonight. We got to meet with our new tenants! YAY! The house is rented! One GIGANTIC load of my shoulders, let me tell you.

So let's see, we saw Transformers 2 last night. Oh man. I could sum up the movie with a similar review of my last 10 days. You have to take the good with the bad. Only the movie had a lot more bad in it than good. Ugh. Pretty much, if Megan Fox and that other chick who "likes" Sam wasn't in that movie, and no one talked except for the military guys, and those STUPID little twin cars died in the first 2 minutes of the movie, the movie would have been 1 bazillion times better. Seriously. I just saved Paramount like 10 million easy right there, AND I made their movie better. BY A LOT. Ugh. When stuff was blowing up, it was cool, though.

I'm on teh intarwebz!!

We're on Craigslist! Well, I guess since I have this blog I already was, but who's keeping score? Anyway, Carrie and I finally buckled listed our house that is up for rent (shameless plug). So yeah...I'm not sure what to expect. Just having a for rent sign in front of the house has generated so many phone calls, which is at the same time awesome and tiresome.

Also, it is official, I am now a grown up. What could possibly explain this? The fact that I am excited about a new tool (stud finder / laser level)! I think this means that I am going to start wearing floral print shirts and wear my shorts up at my navel, right?

There and back again

The Lord has brought me back home safely. I have a new un-appreciation for highway 152. Yikes. Also, I am definitely not a big city kind of person. I've been to LA and SF and I didn't really care for it, and now that I've been to San Jose/Santa Clara area, I'd say it's pretty much official. Although the area I was in wasn't like skyscrapers everywhere, the culture was very similar. The training was excellent, and the high point of it all was that I got to meet my old friend Taver for lunch, since he lives in the "Man Jose" area. LOL. Seriously, that area is like 85% guys, which makes sense considering the industry in that area. Anyway, it was a good trip, but I really missed my family, and am happy to be home!

Santa Maria!!

I'm in Santa Clara! Yeah, so we just moved, and we're getting all situated and comfortable...and now I'm in Santa Clara for a week. ?Que? Training for work, scheduled months ago. At least it's after most of our stuff has had a chance to get set up. AND the training is very interesting so far, which is great. Not all training is like that.

One thing I think needs mentioning, when I arrived in my hotel room last night, all the lights were off, and the radio alarm clock was on, playing Sinatra or something. Whatever it was, it made me afraid to turn the lights on for a minute, like there was a disco ball hanging in the middle of the room or suede paneling on the walls. Fortunately, there was none of that, but I'm RIGHT next to the expressway, and I've got a floodlight pointing RIGHT at my window to highlight the hotel name on the front. LOL!

Wow wow everyone

So yeah, we moved. Into a new house. CRAZY!! So many things have happened in the last 3 weeks, the mind reels. We just got internet/phone/tv installed today, it's good to be back on teh intarwebs. I just finished installing a new dishwasher (with no leaks, thank you God!!), and everything is getting into the places it needs to. I tell you, there's nothing like moving to let you know just how much C-R-A-P you have.

Let's see, what else...Precept is going good, I taught the last two classes, and I'm still getting positive feedback from everyone, so I guess God really wants me doing this! I have made some pretty good progress on Windkeeper, I had to redo the way rendering data is handled in the engine to accommodate what I want the UI system to do, and overall it was worth the effort. Next week I'll be out of town for work, which I really don't enjoy! I really do hate being away from the family, but this training is actually important, and I am looking forward to it. I just wish there was a way to take everyone with me.

Yeah, so big changes in the Llanos house (including the house!), and I am so blown away and so grateful to God for everything He is doing, it is just so humbling. Time to check the dishwasher one more time, then it's time for bed!

I have seen the future

It's late, and I have to be up early tomorrow, but I wanted to mention that I am posting this via firefox (nothing new for me)...but firefox running on Windows 7. Oh yeah, I installed the RC, and with the hour I've been on it so far, I am SUPER impressed. Think I might finally be able to say goodbye to XP.

No news is good news

Just a quick update tonight. Water is fixed and back on, house is a mess with boxes and stuff everywhere, Precept started back up on Monday, and I still don't like American Idol. However, the show before it, "Lie to Me" is the bomb. Diggity. In case you weren't aware, I don't watch TV. Drives my wife crazy. I might have ESPN on in the evening to catch some scores or highlights, but that's it. But this show, I'll watch with her. Which of course, she thoroughly enjoys.

Also, I'm really looking forward to this: clicky

I believe in the Prosperity Gospel

So it wasn't the swine flu (probably), but my house is just about sick-free now. Which is nice, because being sick is no fun, but having sick kids is about "eighty ninety twenty-one" times worse. I'll take being sick twice rather than have one of my kids sick. Bleh.

Yeah, so let's see, I went to our new house today...and God STILL isn't done blessing us! The water damage in the upstairs bathrooms has been repaired (which we expected), but they ALSO put in new linoleum in both bathrooms (which we didn't). They are also apparently fixing our patio cover/balcony, which is awesome. I am humbled before my God.

Also, I have a lot of work to do now that I can be home and conscious, so more neglecting of windkeeper. Hopefully I can post some more details soon. But now it's time for bed.

Sick kids and carboard boxes

Yikes have we been crazy! First, God is so amazing, words fail. He has given us a new house, and not just any house, but a house that meets all our needs and beyond. It was in pretty bad shape, thrashed carpet, water damage in the upstairs bathrooms, non-functioning kitchen appliances, and in desperate need of paint. There's more that needs to be done, but those were the big ones. Until they got taken care of. AND WE DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR ANY OF IT!! We went one day to look at the water damage, and saw that the house had been totally painted on the inside! Plus the microwave and stove/oven had been replaced! And the very next day, all the carpet was replaced! UNBELIEVABLE! Seriously, we thought the bank was going to be coming back with a higher counter than what we had agreed upon, but it never happened. PLUS, the bank is going to have all the water damage fixed under section 1 repairs of the pest inspection. Seriously, all of this probably would have taken us YEARS to take care of, but God is capable of above and beyond what we can ask or imagine. So, needless to say, it's time for us to start packing!

In other news, Noah and Hannah are both sick in a bad way. We're waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Luke to get it too, but maybe he won't. We'll see.

I know what you're thinking

I fell off the wagon. Online accountability doesn't work, right? HA! Little do you know, for the last 3 days I've been trying to nab screen shots of my older ideas for the game.


This was my first attempt at 3d. Fixed camera looking down, and a guy made out of triangles and rectangles, that actually walks when you press the arrow keys.


My next idea was to have like a RPG type game, where you walk around the map, and then zoom into a real-time 3d combat screen (like above...only better).


Then I learned about game engines, and reusable code and stuff. This is a screen of the farthest I got on my last engine. Everything on the screen, except the blue square, is a user interface control (buttons, slider bar, dragable window with buttons on it, changing mouse cursor, etc). This also was where I started getting into network programming. This demo would create connections that it could connect to from another computer.

I'll actually get into my current progress, and what this game is all about tomorrow (or maybe Saturday).

It's official

I have a five year old. Yup. It happened Saturday. My Noah is a full FIVE years old. Where has the last 5 years gone? I have no idea.

I hope to post more tomorrow in keeping with my ongoing topic. Kind of a crazy weekend, though, and I'm still trying to get some good screen shots to post.